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It's just a start but I want to step off on the right foot before I go any further so please help.


I saw you comin' down
despiration on the line
once a boy and now a man
I'm growing older I'm growing wiser
I saw you comin' down for the very last time


I don't know what to do
I keep falling to short of you
but like I said I am much older
and still growing wiser
But for some reason I can't get the fact that I'm not with you

I'm getting a mild lover's lament feel out of what you've got here. I'd say its a rather decent start for a song. I'm pretty sure you could leave these just as they are and turn out a wonderful song.

All-in-all, its a pretty decent start out. Don';t be afraid to really change this up if you have too. I think the one thing you should do, since these both seem to be verses, is really get a different feel for the second one you wrote. Not sure how to explain it, but it really felt like you were just repeating the first verse overall. I think you could keep the first two lines of it, but then begin new "sub-ideas" within the overall themese of the song, in the second verse.

Thanks for the advice. Ill work some more on it and change it up a bit

-Brandon