How the false revolutionaries took over the world and lowered EMI share prices.
At the turn of the century the music industry had just concluded an era of cheesy non-sensical distasteful pop music, which was soon to be followed by another. With the release of Be Here Now, this was the death knell for the Britpop movement. It was a blank canvas at the start of the decade. Coldplay then came along and made the canvas bland.
Their campaign for world domination came at the start of the millennium. A time when it seemed everyone wanted to be inspired. There was a potential demographic, a gap in the market. Coldplay filled it. Breakthrough single Yellow catered for this need to be inspired. The lyrics inspiring false hope among the masses "look at the stars, look how they shine for you", thriving on the anxious post-millennial state of mind.
This was the start of the journey which saw Coldplay set the gold standard for dominating the charts with the musical equivalent of a wet lettuce. While doing so, they also poisoned a generation of rock music. Not bad.
Their music is not awful; it's just not bad enough to stop the sheep from listening to it and buying it. As a result Coldplay have spread like a virus. They have not made a bad album, but then again they have not made a great one.
This is why they are said to write the perfect album, no one really seems to dislike them. They are a machine, with no soul. They have mastered the mechanics of writing the 'perfect' song.
They are a combination of all the worst parts from all your favourite bands with no added individuality. To put it quite simply Coldplay are a formula. They show no invention, no experimentation and no adventure. They adhere to this formula, resulting in a lack of evolution in their sound. Coldplay's first three albums forming something of a monotonous trilogy.
They have become the band for people to say they like when they say they like rock music. Coldplay have been defined as alternative rock, when in reality they are the alternative to the alternative.
Coldplay have made a career out of wallowing in their own self-pity. Many similar one word bands (and James Blunt) have risen out of Coldplay's success, joining in with them, with heartbreak and love being the same recurring themes. It does makes for interesting variety.
With Coldplay's rise to world domination, Chris Martin has assumed the role of dictator. He is the world's most unlikely rock star. Seemingly standing for nothing but having something to say about everything. He is the heir apparent to Bono’s throne, relying more and more on past integrity to fashion himself as a 'credible' pop icon, that and his ballooning ego.
Coldplay have become that unfathomable thing. They are both critically and commercially successful. Those are the keywords. Commercially successful. They are the music industry's dream scenario. To an extent Coldplay have become more of a business than a band. Corporations take over the world, don’t they?
They are what can be termed as a cash cow. They are a pansy version of Nickelback. That is why Viva La Vida, their fourth studio album, was possibly regarded as one of the most anticipated albums of 2008. It was more anticipated by the accountants than the fans.
By 2005 Coldplay had elevated themselves to such a position within the industry that when it was announced that their third album X&Y was set to be delayed this led to a drop of 15% in EMI's (Coldplay's record label) share prices.
It just goes to show the corporate fortunes riding on each new Coldplay album. It seems that each album will make a fortune. With the no risk strategy Coldplay employ in their music, it results in a no risk strategy for everyone involved financially.
Coldplay have seemingly done the impossible. They have made uninspired music that seems to inspire the public masses. Music to please everyone. After all, isn't that what it is all about?
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