Exploding cleavage, Su-Bo, suicide watch and a pineapple. A light hearted look back at 2009. 
It seems every man and his dog became a Michael Jackson fan following the death of the King of Pop. Fans seemed to embrace the mantra, "The King is dead. Long live the King". His death saw many 'fans' crawling out of the wood work because suddenly Michael Jackson seemed cool again. Many fans seemingly taking the notion "ignorance is bliss" straight to heart along with the new wave of M.J. styled jokes.
Interestingly it turned our Michael Jackson was a Jehovah’s Witness, which was possibly the least weird thing about him, but once again "ignorance is bliss". With his upcoming This Is It tour dates at the O2 arena now cancelled due to his lack of being alive, this meant the remembrance (profiteering) of his legacy with the release of the This Is It film. This was effectively a reminder of what people were not missing out on.
Not content with being just a rapper, Kanye West lowered his status even further by storming the stage at the MTV Video Awards during Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech in protest at organisers overlooking Beyonce. This incident apparently led to West being placed under suicide watch, leaving many people with their fingers crossed.
Lady Gaga brought a spectacular dress sense to the charts along with a lot of hype. About the only thing that matched it was her exploding cleavage. She also coined the euphemism "lets have some fun, this beat is sick, I wanna take a ride on your disco stick". After her performance at Glastonbury, many people were left wondering if they could have a go on hers, due to her carrying what seemed like an extra appendage.
To the publics and Noels "great relief", 2009 also saw the eventual breakup of Oasis with Noel Gallagher leaving the band. This was after realising what many others already knew. Spending time in the company your drunken sibling is not a contributing factor towards happiness. Noel Gallagher echoed this sentiment "I simply could not go on working with Liam a day longer".
While this happened U2 and their ego finally decided they were too good for ordinary music venues. The band (Bono) decided to transport their venue around with them, dubbed The Claw aka The Foot. The venue was ferried around at a reported cost of £750,000 a day, this cost shouldered mainly by tour sponsor Blackberry.
Susan Boyle, dubbed Su-Bo by the media, was the latest reality television music star trying to achieve the goal of world domination with their fifteen minutes of fame. She came second to Diversity on Britain’s Got Talent, which should really be renamed How Bored Are Britain's Housewife's?
In other news, after the five year monotony of the X factor monopolising the once proud title of Christmas number one, a Facebook inspired British public decided "fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me". The sheep showed they were not "under control" and decided to give Simon Cowell a much needed middle finger salute by catapulting Rage Against The Machine's signature song Killing In The Name to Christmas number one ahead of Joe Mcelderry’s version of abysmal pop song The Climb. This effectively brought an end to the X-Factor Christmas juggernaut after five long years. At the end of the day Number two is still an achievement, right?
Calvin Harris led the crusade against Simon Cowell's stranglehold of the British music charts and public hatethrob Jedward. His weapon of choice, a pineapple that seemed somewhat more entertaining than the talent on display. This personal attack seemed somewhat justified as Simon Cowell seems to have taken pleasure in the exercise of cutting open the cultural throat of the country and drinking its still warm blood. It's called entertainment apparently.
At this years teen choice awards Miley Cyrus decided to sex up her image. During her performance at the awards, a scantily clad Miley Cyrus performed a not so raunchy pole dance routine on an ice cream cart, which would have broken her ex-boyfriend’s (Nick Jonas) achy breaky heart. This was also apparently entertainment, but for kids it seems.
Chris Brown also made headlines this year for all the wrong reasons. This was due to Chris Brown beating up now ex-girlfriend Rihanna which resulted in the R&B star pulling out of the Grammys. The result being that there was no air left in his once fledgling career. He did himself no favours by collaborating with Lil Wayne releasing the song "I Can Transform Ya" which left us wondering if Brown was actually dyslexic.
All in all this led to a year of speculation and celebration. Fortunately the same could not be said about Dizzee Rascal's grime styled cover of grunge classic Smells Like Teen Spirit at the turn of 2010 in the early hours . Sounds like a job for Mr Muscle in all honesty.
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